i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
