she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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