Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
