woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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