I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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