i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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