just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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