Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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