yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
