Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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