he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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