tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
