Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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