I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it glows. i had to have it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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