Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
