the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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