He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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