No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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