Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
