The maid of honor just puked.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
