I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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