and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
