We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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