I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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