I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
