so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
