My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
