If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
