I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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