But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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