Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
