who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
