SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
