And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
