Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
