i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
