I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
