How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
