Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
