Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
