it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
