sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A+ Viking dick
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
