No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The feeling are messing with the penis
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
