she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
