she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
