Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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