I wish life had little blips of pornography
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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