If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
