Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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