i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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