I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
