There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
