So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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