I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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