last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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