I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
