The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
