trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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