im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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