i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
