I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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